1. 100 feels like a nice number for a #1 issue. Thank you. 

     


  2. Or pay what you want. Enjoy it, and spread the word. 

     

  3.  


  4. You’re the best

    Thanks to everyone who picked up issue #1 this week. The feedback has been amazing and we’re really pleased you’re enjoying it. 

    If you liked our first issue, please tell your friends — given that we’re marketing an essay collection about musical embarrassment, we need all the word of mouth we can get. It’s still some sales away from breaking even financially: if we can do better than that, we’ll start planning #2. We aren’t paying for an office or launch parties or Justin Timberlake appearances, just the writing, art and design you see in the magazine, so every copy you buy makes a big difference.  

    Grab and share our first issue at uncoolmag.bandcamp.com

     

  5. The first half of Devon Maloney’s piece of Something Corporate, ’00s emo and teenage feminism. Read the rest in UNCOOL #1: Guiltless Pleasures, which you can download on Bandcamp.

     

  6. He Ain’t Even Know It: On Rick Ross, Rap, and Responsibility

    By Henry Adaso

    [This story appears along with 43 pages of essays, criticism and music discussion in the debut issue of UNCOOL. Download it here.]

    This was going to be a defense of Rick Ross. I was going to start with an anecdote—something that happened last fall. I was going to note the aesthetic streaks on the sky, or something poetic like that. It was, indeed, a day warm enough to whip out the trusty Old Smokey and slap some salmon on the grill. I was going to start there and veer off into what actually happened that day and how it led me to a revelation.

    An old flame had called to shoot the feces about something. She asked what kind of trouble I was getting into that day. I confessed that I was about to grill some fish, and that I was doing so to the lush, avaricious tunes of Rick Ross. Barbecue and Rick Ross go together like frat parties and beer explosions.

    “That’s one thing I don’t miss about you: Rick Ross,” said the voice on the other end. Ouch. Just then, it dawned on me that I had never actually met a fellow member of the Rick Ross Stan Club. I know they exist because the RIAA tells me so: Port of Miami: certified gold; Deeper Than Rap: certified gold; Teflon Don: certified gold/almost-platinum; God Forgives, I Don’t: certified gold. And lawd knows Rich Forever would’ve sold like hotcakes had he not given it away for zilch.

    Rick Ross has sold millions of records. So why are his fans hesitant to publicly admit their fondness for his sumptuous sounds? A theory: Rick Ross doesn’t fit the bill of what most rap heads consider “real.” As far as purists are concerned, he’s fake. Can we categorically bracket Rick Ross as “fake,” given the manufacturing process that funds rap’s current social order?

    In July 2008, The Smoking Gun uncovered some documents and photographs that would forever change the way rap fans perceive Rick Ross. They exposed details of his 18-month stint as a correctional officer in South Florida. Rick Ross bumbled the controversy horribly. He denied the photos. As the evidence kept mounting, he reluctantly copped to it. Then, he got irritated when the issue came up in interviews. On wax, however, Ross handled it like a savvy businessman.

    Rick Ross became the joke. He exaggerated his kingpin persona beyond the point of absurdity, channeling characters that were blatantly fictional. No mea culpas necessary. Everyone understood that Rick Ross was not trying to be taken seriously. The tide had turned.

    The connotation of the word “real” has evolved over the years. Contemporary rap is bursting at the seams with storytellers who “buy” their way into the “real” conversation by spewing borrowed/imagined tales. Street kings don’t always make great rappers; the best rappers haven’t always come from the streets. From an artistic standpoint, Rick Ross is not that different from the *air quotes* real—in post-2000s hip-hop, he may actually be the archetypal real rapper.

    There are, however, two things working against him. One, he’s not what many consider a rapper’s rapper. You’re not going to mistake him for a Nas or an Eminem. That’s not to say he doesn’t try. He has steadily improved from album to album. If you’ve never heard his pre-Def Jam compilation, Rise to Power, don’t bother. Suave House probably canned it to avoid rotting store shelves. Despite solid cameos from the Clipse, Scarface, and Devin the Dude, it’s just so blah. Ross was still polishing those vivid street vignettes. The widescreen beats had yet to enter the frame.

    Over time, he learned the art of pacing rhymes to drum patterns and started picking better beats. Having a stable of talented emcees to silkscreen his lyrics from time to time didn’t hurt, either. The Rick Ross you hear today is a product of years of trial and error. It would be disingenuous to deny him his transformation, work ethic, and craftsmanship.

    But another knock on Ross—and this is the very thing that prompted me to change the trajectory of this essay in the first place—is that he has a female problem. He’s always had misogynistic raps, but no more than your average emcee. It was his turn on Rocko’s “U.O.E.N.O.” that finally caught fire. “Put molly all in her champagne/ She ain’t even know it/ I took her home and I enjoyed that/ She ain’t even know it,” Ross rapped.

    His first stab at an apology was even more appalling: “It was a misunderstanding with a lyric — a misinterpretation where the term rape wasn’t used. I would never use the term rape in my records.” One thing Ross never explained was how we could’ve possibly understood that line in the proper context. It has to go down as the most irresponsible apology in hip-hop history. Promoting rape in rap, even under the guise of context or artistic expression, is irresponsible and completely unacceptable. Duh.

    Hip-hop and realities have always been tied, even though there’s no scientific evidence linking them. In Ross’ case, though, the message seemed way too real to overlook. You don’t need scientific data to visualize young boys digesting that line with no sense of discernment. I have friends who have been drugged by sleazy dudes. One friend in particular swore off alcohol entirely after seeing a female friend black out at a party.

    But why single out Rick Ross? Rappers have been dropping repulsive lines since Adam. The obvious explanation is that Rick Ross has a dominant presence in hip-hop, which makes him an easy target for scrutiny—the bigger your stature (pardon me) the bigger the microscope.

    Contrast Ross with Ab-Soul, a member of Kendrick Lamar’s widely cherished Black Hippy clique, who dropped a similar line a month before Ross’ “U.O.E.N.O.” kerfuffle. Here’s Soul’s under-reported line on “You’re Gone,” alongside JMSN: “Since you’ve been good I’ve slipped a present in that drink you drinking.” Um, thanks, Ab-Soul? No one called him out on that line.

    No, wait… I did find two posts on Ab-Soul’s date rape rhyme. One was titled “Date Rape Never Sounded So Catchy” and the blogger wrote, “I’m not ‘offended’ or necessarily think this went too far, this is music for adults and sweet baby jesus knows I listen to worse.” Another, a message board entry, exclaimed: “Ab-Soul ft. JMSN - You’re Gone. Coolest date rape song ever!”

    Are the rules different for different rappers? This may seem like an excuse for unacceptable behavior, but there is something peculiar about the way we’ve gone after Rick Ross. It seems to me like Ross is paying for cumulative sins: misogynistic lyrics, blah raps, the whole CO thing. 

    Is bad behavior acceptable from rappers we like vs. rappers we don’t like? How do you draw artistic lines in hip-hop? How do you enforce them? When is fiction acceptable? Is this type of critique unique to black rappers? Is this critique genre specific? Can rap truly produce social realities?

    There are no clear answers to these questions, but the conversations they spawn are vital. While I would never want hip-hop to be completely safe, there are certain sacred lines that must be protected. I don’t know what those lines are yet, but we’d better find out soon before this art form we love becomes obsolete.

    In the meantime, I’m taking suggestions on BBQ music.

    ***

    Henry Adaso is a Houston-based music journalist and social media pollinator. He’s written for the Houston Press, VIBE, XXL, and LA Weekly. He’s the founder of the award-winning blog The Rap Up and lead vocalist of the Grammy-awaiting mime band Pervertable Disciples.

    DOWNLOAD UNCOOL #1: GUILTLESS PLEASURES.

     


  7. Guiltless Pleasures: Imagining A Post-Snob World


    [This is an except from UNCOOL #1: Guiltless Pleasures. Download the new issue to read the rest along with articles by Devon Maloney, Jamieson Cox, Harley Brown and many more.]

    On March 15, 2013, David Greenwald, Simon Vozick-Levinson and Lindsay Zoladz (via Google Hangouts) gathered in Austin, Texas to discuss the future of snobbery at an SXSW panel. It went something like this.

    David Greenwald: We live in a time when anyone with Internet has access to nearly any song that’s ever been recorded, thanks to YouTube and Spotify and other services. Yet people are still picking sides or pushing aside interesting art because reasons well beyond the music. What we’ll explore today is how artists and consumers are changing and the future of music snobbery. For the purposes of our discussion, let’s define a snob as someone who is more than just a nerd—it’s someone who imposes his or her taste on others. One reason for snobbery throughout history, I think, is the way music relates to identity and how our taste differentiates us from others. We’re probably all familiar with the High Fidelity image of the record store guy who hates Art Garfunkel, but one interesting wrinkle of the Twitter era is the rise of pop artist fan armies: Beliebers, Directioners, Swifties and so on, tweens and teens who think other artists are totally unacceptable—like cheering for the Yankees in L.A. We’ve always had rivalries, like the Beatles vs. the Rolling Stones, but it’s fair to say this takes it to a new level. 

    Simon Vozick-Levinson: Yep. Pop stars by definition have always had fiercely loyal fan bases—but I think you’re right that today’s organized fan communities are different in some interesting ways. Just ask Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney, who got a dose of the Beliebers’ wrath earlier this year. His sin: Shrugging off a TMZ reporter’s random question about Justin Bieber’s exclusion from the Grammys (“I dunno, he’s rich, right?”). This was not O.K. Bieber joked on Twitter that Carney “should be slapped around haha,” and his fans went for it—bombarding the drummer with seriously enraged rhetoric and even death threats for days on end. I couldn’t help but flash back to the spring of 2010, when I made the mistake of writing a slightly snarky blog post about the first-week sales of My World 2.0 and was rewarded with a tweet from Justin himself (“Its [sic] sad that some adults need to try and bring people down”), followed by a predictable wave of furious tweets and emails from his supporters.

    The Internet was a crucial ingredient in both incidents: 20 years ago, most of Bieber’s fans probably wouldn’t have heard of either offending remark, and even if they did, it would have taken way more effort to track down me and Carney and tell us how much we suck. Now it’s trivially easy for the most hardcore fans to mount concerted campaigns of verbal abuse against anyone who’s perceived as not sharing their taste. How dare we not love Justin as much as they do? I suppose you could argue that Carney and I are the snobs here, for making very mild fun of a pop star—but at a certain point, you have to wonder whether this absurdly aggressive brand of fandom isn’t its own form of snobbery.

    David: On the other hand, one perception of the indie world is that it’s very snobby, when we might argue that it’s really just geeky and curious. Lindsay, do you think Pitchfork still has that snobby tag attached to it or has the site moved beyond that?

    Lindsay Zoladz: Well, I’m obviously biased here, but I want to believe Pitchfork has moved past the whole “music snob” stereotype—and I think that the perception of our readers has moved past that, too. Now that the Internet gives listeners unlimited access to everything, we’re living in a moment where the person with the most cultural capital isn’t the (often myopic) “music snob” but instead the cultural omnivore, who listens to a little bit of everything. Even among people we’re labeling as music snobs, the whole stereotype of the person who listens to “everything but hip-hop & country” would probably be dismissed as unfairly judgmental. This shift has been happening for a while—the music critic Carl Wilson writes about it in his great 2007 book Let’s Talk About Love: A Journey to the End of Taste—but I think the rise of social media has really accelerated it in the past few years. And you’re seeing a lot of publications respond to this shift.

    David: Both Pitchfork and Rolling Stone have a certain coverage scope. Pitchfork might not do a cover story on Green Day, but Rolling Stone would be less likely to do a Q&A with Youth Lagoon. I saw Paramore play here in Austin a few nights ago and they were fantastic—I’d love to see their new album get Pitchfork notice. What’s the difference here between reader service and snobbery? Is there the danger of losing your identity by making coverage too broad?

    Simon: This is an interesting one. No publication can cover everything. Resources are finite, and you have to draw the line somewhere. But I actually think both RS and Pitchfork do a good job of covering a really broad range of music, from chart-topping pop to indie gems. There are gaps, inevitably, and room to improve—but in my experience, we’re both staffed by people who recognize that there are all kinds of great music out there, and whether it’s “cool” shouldn’t be the only thing determining whether we pay attention to it.

    David: There have been a few situations in recent months that have really shown modern snobbery on display. Simon, can you walk us through the Nicki Minaj “real hip-hop” incident?

    Simon: Sure. I think of this story as a counterpart to the Belieber wars: there we saw a mob of zealous fans trying to enforce their taste on others, but of course individual high-level gatekeepers can be just as guilty of this behavior. Before proceeding, I want to say that I’m a fan of the Hot 97 morning show that Peter Rosenberg co-hosts with Cipha Sounds and K. Foxx. Funny guy, most mornings. But wow, did he embarrass himself on this one.

    It happened at last year’s Summer Jam, the annual all-star hip-hop concert put on by Hot 97, the radio station where he works. Nicki Minaj was booked as the headliner, and Rosenberg took it upon himself to denounce her from the stage shortly before she was supposed to go on: “I know there are some chicks here waiting to sing ‘Starships’ later. I’m not talking to y’all right now—fuck that bullshit! I’m here to talk about real hip-hop shit.” (Nicki, understandably, backed out of the show after hearing this.)

    Where to begin with this wrongheaded bluster? “Starships” is one of Nicki’s most poppy songs. It was a huge hit. To Peter Rosenberg, that means it’s not “real.” The gendered language he used—trying to force a false distinction between the “bullshit” that “chicks” listen to and the allegedly more authentic stuff he likes—just emphasizes how lame and outdated this way of experiencing music is. Are we really supposed to think that Nicki’s dance-pop songs somehow invalidate the ones where she’s rapping her ass off? Does she magically stop being a great MC when she dares to flex another creative muscle?

    Rosenberg is free to dislike “Starships,” obviously, but belittling those who do like it in these particular terms raises red flags. Ultimately, it felt like he was nostalgic for a (possibly mythical) time when genres were more rigidly constructed. This just isn’t how people listen to music anymore—there are lots of us who love both Illmatic and Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded, and it’s really O.K. I think that’s exactly why Rosenberg lashed out. It’s the move of an aesthetic conservative who is scared of progress.

    Read the rest of this conversation in UNCOOL #1.

     


  8. If you missed it this morning, we’ve released our debut issue, Guiltless Pleasures, a 43-page .pdf zine. UNCOOL is a reader-supported music publication for curious people. Check it out on Bandcamp.  

     

  9. We made you a zine.

    UNCOOL #1: Guiltless Pleasures is a 43-page .pdf about the ways music makes us feel bad — and sometimes, proud. It was designed by Traci Larson. Sam Alden did the cover art. Here’s what you’ll find inside:

    * Punk Rock Princesses: A Case for Something Corporate by Devon Maloney
    * Dangerously in Love: My Decade with Beyonce by Jamieson Cox
    * Repeat Offenders: Pressing Play, Over and Over Again by Harley Brown
    * Guiltless Pleasures: Imagining a Post-Snob World by David Greenwald, Simon Vozick-Levinson and Lindsay Zoladz
    * Miss You Like Crazy: Canada’s Lost Boy Bands by Melody Lau
    * He Ain’t Even Know It: On Rick Ross, Rap, and Responsibility by Henry Adaso
    * I Don’t Wanna Come Back Down From This (Sound)Cloud by Taleen Kalenderian
    * Why Bother? Talking To Myself About Weezer by Jillian Mapes

    With the help of its readers, UNCOOL is a publication that pays its contributors. Thanks in advance for your support.  

    DOWNLOAD UNCOOL #1: GUILTLESS PLEASURES.

     


  10. Dave heartily endorses Pocket as his read-it-later app of choice.